Sarah vs 30

After weeping uncontrollably over the loss of my youth for the last six months, I finally feel able to talk about the trauma of turning 30.

I am, of course, talking shit. I haven't blogged about it sooner because a) I've been busy baking a lot of cakes, b) I was so worn out from having to document my life that I couldn't be arsed and c) there wasn't really a lot to say.

That's right, there was no horrific meltdown, I haven't suddenly started pissing myself when I sneeze and gravity hasn't pulled my arse cheeks any closer to the back of my knees. In fact, turning 30 was pretty much like every other birthday. Sorry to be such a let down, but there was no big drama.


30 challenges before 30

Speaking of let downs... I guess it's confession time. I didn't complete my 30 challenges before 30. I gave it a good shot though, I worked hard and I tried new things, but sadly I didn't quite get there. C'mon, 27 out of 30 ain't bad!

I actually thought I'd be really disappointed with myself if I didn't complete everything, but I'm not at all. My 29th year was awesome fun, I've laughed a lot and I've discovered talents I didn't know I had. In fact, I got a lot out of this little project of mine: I have a new found love of baking, I've started sewing again, I've realised I can do (some) sporty things and I can give anything a go when I really put my mind to it.

It would've been great to have completed everything on my list, but I'm sure I'll get round to ticking them off at some point.


Best moments

There have been so many awesome moments during the last year that it is so difficult to choose one.

If I had to pick one stand out challenge it would be learning to snowboard as this was something I'd always wanted to do and it was so much fun. The fact I did it and did it well was also quite a triumph since I'm not the sporty kind at all.

Giving blood was also a very rewarding experience and really worthwhile, I just wish I'd got round to doing it sooner. I have to admit I haven't been back since, as my plans to donate this summer were scrapped due to the heatwave. If I faint after giving blood in normal conditions then that's just asking for trouble. Jeez, I'm such a flaker.

Rollerskating with my friends was also awesome fun - thanks Laura, Mandeep and Lucy for such a great day!


Worst moments

There were no challenges that I absolutely hated. I think the only bad times I had during this whole thing were when I was in pain. Like after I learnt to snowboard, which hurt like hell and left me battered, bruised and struggling walk for days afterwards. I'd never had a swollen arse before and I don't really want another one. Similarly, I suffered a lot after BMX-ing too as my legs were really badly bruised and stayed various shades of black and purple for weeks afterwards.


Thank you

The best thing about doing this whole thing was having the opportunity to do cool stuff with my lovely friends. Without them many of these challenges wouldn't have been possible and I'm very lucky that they've been kind enough to support me when I've insisted on dragging them along to something they probably don't want to do.

On that note, a special thank you goes to the long-suffering Dan, who has put up with the most during the last year and never once complained.

I'd also like to say a big thank you to everyone who visited my blog, read a post, commented or said something encouraging. There have been way more of you than I ever imagined.

Thanks also to those who Googled some really weird stuff and found your way here as a result. My personal favourites were 'shitting in wellies' and 'she shat herself horse riding'. You have some bizarre interests, but thanks for making me smile.


Life after 30

One thing that has pissed me off since turning 30 is that people ask about marriage and children a lot more. It doesn't matter how many times you tell people that you don't want children, those who are already parents will tell you that you are missing out and you will either change your mind or regret not having children in later life. Please don't be so patronising, I don't envy your life and mine certainly isn't less fulfilling for choosing not to spawn. So please shut the fuck up.

That's the only downside really. Other than that, life is ok as a 30-something. Instead of thinking my best days are behind me, I'm focussing on the positives. I'm a lot smarter than I was in my youth, I find myself caring (even) less about what I look like and I've been asked for ID on numerous occasions, which is nice.

Plus, I have way bigger things to worry about now. What's going to happen when I'm on the cusp of turning 40...?

Verdict: Turns out turning 30 isn't so shit after all 

Challenge #15: Sarah vs Snowboarding

Way before this blog and my list of things to do before 30 came along, learning how to snowboard was the one and only thing I really wanted to do before my milestone birthday. It's always looked like such a cool and fun sport, for years I've been saying I'll get around to learning at some point, but I've never actually done anything about it. Luckily, this list gave me the push I needed and so I booked myself onto a course that would teach me how to snowboard in a day at Tamworth SnowDome.

Up at 5.45am to be in Tamworth for 8am.

Someone get me caffeine. Now.

My previous snowboarding experience consisted of a one-hour taster session at Swadlincote Ski Slope a couple of years back, so there were two things I knew for certain about the course I was going to take: it would be awesome fun and it would hurt.

After collecting boots, helmet and a board, I stomped my way clumsily upstairs to meet my instructor, AT, and the other people on the course. There were only five of us, so it was a nice little group, although I was the only one who wasn't a dude. Later I noticed there were only two other women snowboarding that day, which I think is a real shame.

These are my snowboarding moon boots.

You have to do them up really tight to protect your

ankles, but it means you have no choice

but to walk like a robot. I added my own sound

effects as I walked along, but I think that's optional.

Boards at the ready. The floating head

you can see to the right belongs to a guy called Simon.

He smashed his knee into the wall during the

morning session, so he didn't get to finish the course.

Before we got onto the slope, we ran through the basic techniques. It turns out snowboarding is all about your toes, heels and head, so it helps if you can forget you have arms. Obviously that's easier said than done, especially when you fall over and you're natural reaction is to put your arms out to stop yourself. AT referred to this as something your stupid monkey body does that your brain struggles to override.

Toes and heels are basically the different ways you balance on the edges of the board and act as the brake, while all of the steering is done just by moving your head. Sounds weird, is weird, but it works. I found it easier to get the balance right on my toes to begin with and picked that up a lot quicker than the heels technique, where you have to stick your arse out at a completely unnatural angle.

My little board.

You have to put them down the wrong way

when you're on the snow so they don't slide away.

 

On the slopes.

You can tell I've been working hard as my

board's covered in snow. You would think 

it'd just slide off, but it sticks to it.

You have to slam it on the ground to get it off.

This is Dan having a rest

Here I am working on my heels with help from AT

Look, no hands!

This is me snowboarding on my own!

The key to balancing on your heels is down to how you stick your bum out. I struggled with it at first, partly because you can see you're going down a steep hill and partly because I couldn't get my posture right. AT's professional trick to assist people with the posture problem is to give them a wedgie. Yes, he gave me a wedgie. But it worked!

Just before lunch I was struggling to piece the different techniques together, but after a food and caffeine refuel I came back out and completely nailed it. I did a run of the middle and bottom sections of the slope, switching from heels to toes and back again and made it down to the bottom without ending up on my arse. It was a proud moment that I marked with a celebratory 'FUCK YEAH!!!!'

Then it was time to tackle the slope from the very top. It was pretty terrifying when I got up there and noticed it has a steep curve to the left, we'll refer to it as the death zone. AT came up with me to show me how to negotiate the curve of the slope without killing myself - the tactic is pretty simple really, keep to the right! I think this was the only time out of the whole day that I actually felt nervous, but once I pushed off I felt more confident about what I was doing and before I knew it I'd heeled and toed (that's how you do turns, but you're not allowed to call them turns) it all the way to the bottom of the slope on my own. I couldn't believe I'd actually done it.

It's a shame this picture's really dark because I'm

doing an awesome bit of snowboarding here
completely unaided. You can see AT following me
to make sure I don't kill myself on the way down.

This is how you celebrate when you've gone from the very

top of the slope to bottom without falling over.

The award for awesomeness goes to me.

Look at the dirty skiers behind. Urgh.

After my triumphant run we had a quick coffee break before we did our last runs. By this time I was completely knackered, but determined to keep going until the end. Unfortunately, on one of my last goes from the top of the slope, I got up a little too much speed and found myself straying into the death zone.

Even though I've learnt how to slow myself down and how to change direction, I panicked, started flapping my arms about and inevitably fell on my arse. My right cheek took the full force of the impact and at the time of writing - two days after the incident - is still killing me. It knocked my confidence a little, but I know exactly what I did wrong. So, I got back up and did another run, despite the pain, because I wanted to end the day on a good note.

Thoughts

Snowboarding for an entire day is absolutely exhausting and I'm now aching all over, but it's one of the best days out I've ever had and I wish I'd got round to doing it sooner. The course covered the three different levels that take you to a recreational standard and I passed all three, so I am really pleased with myself. It's been a really worthwhile challenge, as I now have a skill I can use whenever I want and am already plotting when I can get back to Tamworth. I should also say that the staff at SnowDome, particularly AT, were lovely and really encouraging.

We both passed the course and are now recreational

snowboarders, which means we're allowed on

the slopes unsupervised!

My snowboarding experience in numbers:

3,000 - number of calories I burned by taking the day course
3 - times I went down the slope from the very top!
1 - run from the very top without falling over
50 - guestimated number times I fell over in total
50 - number of times I put my arms out as I fell when I shouldn't have done
50 - probable number of times I said 'fuck'
1 - can of Red Bull to give me wings
2 - massive coffees to keep me going

2 - the surprisingly low number of bruises I ended up with, one on my knee and one on my arse
3 - number of levels I passed to get to recreational standard

Verdict: probably the best WIN yet!

Challenge #12: Sarah vs Blood Donation

Inspiration

This challenge was inspired by my mum, who is the kind of person who always considers the needs of others before her own and who was a regular blood donor when she was my age. Although donating blood has been something I have wanted to do for a long time, like a lot of things I had just never got round to it. Partly because of finding the time and partly through fear. My main concerns were that it would hurt and I might faint and/or throw up.

Of course, the fact that 96% of us rely on the other 4% to give blood was also enough to shame me into taking action.

The blood truck

Drain the blood

There were a lot of people waiting to donate when I arrived, more than I imagined there would be if I'm honest, and there was a quite an age range, which was really encouraging. As it was my first donation, I was asked a lot of questions about my health, before the nurse did the prick test to check if I was anaemic.

The drop of blood is added to a solution and they time how long it takes to sink. Mine just floated there, unwilling to play ball and the nurse said they would have to do a further test to determine whether I had sufficient iron levels to donate. My heart sank slightly. If I was low, I would have to abandon the challenge.

Thankfully, the test showed I had a higher than average score and we were good to go. I was ushered into the express queue to wait my turn. Dan told me later that at this point I had gone very pale - I think it was because I was so nervous about the task ahead.

I needn't have worried though, because the nurses were so reassuring and helpful, and once the needle had gone in I didn't feel anything. Also, as it was my first donation, they let Dan come and sit with me to help take my mind of it.

The guy in the bed next to me looks dead in this

 picture, but don't panic I'm pretty sure he survived

The time went by really quickly and before I knew it the machine was bleeping to let me know I was done. And that was it, I had done it, with passing out or chucking up and I felt fine. In fact, I felt quite pleased with myself and proud that I had done something that might help someone else.


And then...

Once I had been unhooked, I was ushered over to the refreshments table for a drink and biscuits, so they could make sure I was ok. Just as I tucked into my third custard cream I felt my temperature rise really quickly and knew exactly what was going to happen next. My close friends refer to me as a flaker, because on odd occasions I like to add a little drama to situations by passing out. Usually somewhere really inconvenient like queuing to get into a festival site or right at the front of a gig.

Everything went black and seemed to move in slow motion, and I felt arms pulling me backwards. I came to with a cold towel on my head and a nurse fanning me. Apparently I started a bit of a domino rally, because right after I passed out a young woman followed my lead and did the same. The feeling passed as soon as it had come on though and the nurses were so quick to respond that I felt I was in good hands.

Adding a bit of drama to the situation

One of the nurses insisted I take loads

of biscuits and stickers home as a reward

My blood donation in numbers:

10 minutes 15 seconds - The time it took to drain a pint of blood from me. The machines beeps like you're in Super Mario World when it's done. Sadly I didn't get to ride home on Yoshi as a reward.

131 - My iron levels, the average is 115, but you need to be over 125 to donate.

2 hours - The time spent at the donation session, which was longer than normal because of...

10 seconds - The approximate length of time I was out of it following my dramatic fainting episode.

3 - The number of wounds I left with thanks to the prick test, anaemia test and blood donation.

4 - Number of months I now have to wait to donate again.

War wounds

Conclusion

I was so pleased that I managed to get through this challenge and complete it successfully. It is such a nice feeling to think I may help to save someone else's life and I couldn't help wondering where my blood will go, who it might end up with and the reasons they might need it.

Despite the slightly embarrassing fainting episode, I will definitely do again. The donation didn't hurt and it wasn't unpleasant, so please do not be put off by my post-donation dramatics, because it doesn't happen to everyone and it passes so quickly. Besides, the knowledge that you've done something worthwhile far outweighs a minor bit of fainting.

Well of course I look rough, 

I've just lost a pint of blood

Do something amazing, give blood

Search for your nearest blood donation session by clicking HERE.

Verdict: A very proud WIN!!!!

Challenge #11: Sarah vs Ten Pin Bowling

I have vague memories of a ten pin bowling party I had as a child, but there isn't any photographic evidence to prove this ever happened and I have no idea how old I might have been at the time. What I do know is that I haven't been bowling since this event - which may or may not have even happened - and is probably something I should have done well before turning 29.


What people say

It's worth mentioning here the amazing reaction I get when I say ten pin bowling is on my list of things to do before turning 30: "WHAT?! You've never been bowling?? What have you been doing with your time?"

It's the exact same reaction you get when casually remarking that you haven't seen some classic film.

In my defence I may have been bowling before, but if I haven't, it's because I've been busy trashing my ears for fun at gigs, occasionally stalking bands and working on enhancing my record collection. These things ain't cheap you know.


The Rules

The only rule I'd come up with for the bowling challenge is that I wasn't allowed to have the sides up - I like to call them wings - because I thought that would take all the skill flukiness out of the game. And possibly some of the fun too.

Shoes

Balls

Let's play...

Without any thought for how shit an afternoon it might be if I never hit anything, I insisted we were going to play three games. For some unknown reason I was quietly confident that rolling a ball down a lane would be quite an easy task and that knocking pins over would be do-able. I was being cocky. I was also wrong...

My first shot was a gutter ball. I was gutted.
It's lucky you can't hear what I said at this point,
but to give you a clue it began with an 'f' and ended in an 'off'.

This is Dan looking confident as he goes to take his first shot.

 You can tell that his first shot is right on course.

We're not putting this down to skill, we're putting 

it down to being incredibly spawny.

What I'm thinking: Yay, I finally knocked one over!

I would love to say that this shot was taken shortly after my first gutter ball,

but it wasn't. I did at least four of them before I managed to knock over one pin.

It was a proud moment though and this picture was taken just after

my celebratory dance.

First game score:

Dan 47

Sarah 22

Action shot

Action shot

This is Dan looking smug because he got a strike. 

Or two.

This is me looking pissed off because I didn't get any strikes at all.

Second game score:

Dan 59

Sarah 43

In the last game, Dan's tactics kind of went to shit.
I was delighted.
He was not.


Third game score:
 Dan 66
Sarah 69

I finally won a game!

Dan putting on a brave face.

Thoughts

Ten pin bowling is actually quite a tricky sport to master and what I've learned from the experience is that running and lobbing the ball somewhere in the direction of the pins is not the way to win. Also, having some coordination really helps, but is sadly something I seem to be lacking.

I've also discovered that playing against someone with more bowling experience will only lead to disappointment and name calling, so if at all possible, play against someone who is either shit or a small child.

Verdict: I hit some pins, so that's a win in my book



Challenge #10: Sarah vs Abbey Road

It's easy to assume there's no real challenge involved in having your picture taken at Abbey Road. Surely all you need to do is pose and pull a big cheesy grin, right? Wrong. It's a dangerous game posing on a zebra crossing while angry taxi drivers are pipping and revving at you, and it's actually quite distracting when you're trying to get a nice smiley snap for the family album...

A gift from Laura

This challenge wasn't on my original list, because I wasn't smart enough to think of it. It only found its way into the game thanks to my mate Laura who kindly gifted it to me from her bucket list (thanks bird). The challenge was to try and recreate the famous Abbey Road album sleeve, which shows The Beatles on the zebra crossing outside the studios back in the late '60s - a decade when there was weather other than rain.


Spot the difference...

I'm fairly confident that you'll be able to tell which

version is which, but in case you're struggling this one

 is The Beatles. I'm pretty sure there were no angry

taxi drivers revving engines out of shot here.

Left to right: Tom, Dan, me and Laura

Note how Laura is playing along by looking straight ahead, while the rest of us are posing.

 Well, Tom looks a little like he's about to run away.

Getting the shot

It's a bit much to ask a total stranger to stand in the middle of a busy road and take a photo of you, unless of course you offer to trade a little life risking to return the favour.

Being very British and having good manners, we queued politely until we decided it was our turn, then screamed 'go, go, go!' as the cars came to a stop and we ran to our places.

Considering this was a one-take shot, we hadn't actually come up with any sort of plan, so I think we did quite well to stand evenly spaced and one of us even found the time to put a hand on the hip. Laura had obviously done her homework, which is why she is looking ahead, but I think the rest of us just panicked and went with the usual drill.

It was quite a weird experience though, having your photo taken while taxi drivers glare at you, trying to get it over as quickly as possible before they lose patience and just mow you down. Then again, I can't help but wonder why they don't drive a different way, they know the crossing is there and have had at least four decades to come up with an alternative route.

(By the way, it wasn't me standing in the road taking the photo of the strangers after they had kindly taken ours, I left that one to Dan.)

 

Abbey Road graffiti

As soon as we arrived at Abbey Road it started pissing it down, so we dashed over the zebra crossing to take shelter under the trees of the studio and indulged in a little graffiti and photo taking to pass the time.

                           

Umm... wonder who wrote that one.

As you do...

Laura and Tom Hyde in front of the Abbey Road sign

Dan and me outside Abbey Road Studios

 

How to get there

Take the Northern Line on the Tube, getting off at St John's Wood. Follow Grove End Road onto Abbey Road. Singing Beatles songs while walking to Abbey Road is optional, but it's better if you do.

Verdict: WIN!

Abbey Road Studios has a webcam trained on the crossing, so you can watch people getting their geek on right now by clicking here.

Challenge #9: Sarah vs. Zelda (A Link to the Past)

This battle has gone on for nearly 20 years. It was Christmas 1992 when my Snes arrived, excitingly packaged in its yellow Mario-themed box and unwrapped from its Christmas paper within five seconds flat.

If you're old enough to remember the Snes, you'll remember every boy you knew declaring that there would never be anything with graphics better than this. If you're not old enough to remember the Snes then you should probably be hanging around somewhere else looking sickeningly youthful and using slang words I don't understand.

It was my first games console and like many firsts, it still holds a special place in my heart. While everyone else sold theirs off for the N64 or the Playstation, mine has spent the last two decades juggled between the top of the wardrobe and the bedroom floor, plugged in a couple of times a year in order to provide a regular nostalgia trip.

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past was one of my favourite games as a ten-year-old, but one which I always approached a little half arsed. I would do a few tasks, then eventually get stuck, get pissed off and not play it again for ages. Remember people, this was in the days before I could go on the internet and cheat my way through it, which as a ten-year-old I definitely would have done given half the chance. So, it seemed natural to add it to my list of things to do before I become too weak and feeble to be able to lift the controller.

The basic idea of Zelda is that some evil dude has taken over the land and captured the beautiful princess, and it's your job to save the day. The thing I loved about it was the story it had to it and as well as killing people, you had puzzles to work out. Some puzzles were easy to solve, but sometimes they were so difficult to work out I would resort to call the game unspeakable things beginning with the letters c, f and b.

As mentioned previously, my younger self would've been more than happy to cheat the entire way through, but it wouldn't have been much of a challenge if I'd done that. So, the two rules I set myself were no cheats to be used at all and I was only allowed to StrategyWiki it if I had reached a point where I really couldn't work out where to go next and the swearing was getting out of control.

Being the idiot I am, I didn't keep a log of how many hours I spent playing, but I think it took around six weekends to complete the game, completing about two sections of the game every weekend. Sometimes I played for hours at a time, occasionally it was just a brief stint, but the further along I got with it the more it seemed to consume my Sunday afternoons and evenings. Then, from out of no where, suddenly I was facing the last big bad ass dude (are they still referred to as bosses?? I'm calling them bad asses these days) and it was all over.

You're welcome.

First rule of Snes Club is you don't talk

about Snes Club. Second rule is you're not

 allowed to brush your hair and you must

 wear half of your pjs.

Also, looking a bit like the love child of Rebekah

 Brooks and Dave Mustaine here, only

 happier and less whiny.

And less orange of course.

Apparently it took me 155 games to complete it. Oops.

Well, it may have taken me almost 20 years to complete, but it just shows that you can do stuff when you put your mind to it. Or when you add it to a stupid list.

Verdict: WIN!

Challenge #7: Sarah vs. Kite Flying

I hadn't even started making plans to tackle the kite flying challenge, but right after I got off my horse (see last post, no really, you should) this one just kind of happened.

My mate Sam and I had just finished the horse riding challenge and headed back to her house to regroup in prep for an evening of burritos and mojitos, and for me to rest my poorly arse. Several coffees later we got onto the topic of The List and the challenges I have left to take on.

When kite flying came up, Sam's boyfriend Mat brought in this huge kite. "There you go, you can take that home with you," he said. Awesome, I thought, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to get it on the train, considering it is as tall as me.

Then Sam hit upon a genius idea, we would go and fly it in the park there and then...

This is Mat setting up the kite. 

I'm behind the camera doing my over-excited dance that only my closest friends get to see.

So here's me playing kite flyer while Mat is chuck-in-the-air-er and Sam is photographer, because she is a photographer.

It was a shakey start, as the kite had two strings and my brain struggled to compute that you need to pull the opposite string to the way it's going. I think in this picture I had just crashed it straight into the ground.

I'm flying!

Ooh, she's taking a dive...

Sam managed to capture this one just as I crashed it into her head. You take someone horse riding and then let them play with your kite and that's the thansk you get. Sorry Sam.

After a bit of expert tuition from Sam, I finally started to get the hang of it.

I know you can't see me in this picture, but it is me flying it...

...See!

Eventually, I managed to keep it in the air for more than a couple of seconds.

Told you the kite was as big as me.

Stoked to have completed another challenge.

Now, can we go celebrate with mojitos please?

I feel I should explain why kite flying made it onto the list, because I'm sure you'll be wondering how I've managed to get through 29 years of life without doing so earlier. Well, I'm not entirely sure I haven't flown a kite before, it's just I have no recollection of doing so. The only memeory of kite flying I have is of a shitty polystyrene one that I made at school and didn't really fly properly.

I've just asked my mum about it and she said we bought some crap kites when we were kids and took them down the park, but they didn't fly very well so it probably doesn't count. Besides, I wasn't a very outdoorsy child, which is why we never tried again, I was always too busy making things out of cardboard boxes and yoghurt pots.

All in all, kite flying is great fun and quite addictive once you get it into the air. It's not a lone hobby though, you do need someone to help chuck it in the air and another one to take photos. I also found it adds a little excitement if you select one person as a target and crash the kite straight at them. I'd like to do it again though and think I might even buy one now.

Verdict: WIN!